Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Chick-Fil-A in a Stew


Chick-Fil-A ruffles feathers with stance on traditional values

“Guilty as charged,” was the statement recently made by Chick-Fil-A owner, Dan Cathy, when asked about his company’s support of  traditional family values.  Cathy’s stance has ruffled more than a few feathers and the cuddly cow has now been stamped as one bad egg.  The Leftist brood is squawking the usual cries of hate, bigotry, and homophobia.  A Bostonian mayor has now infamously stated that he won’t let the company nest anywhere near his city, so long as he reigns.  One “gay rights” group has hatched a mass “kiss-in” idea at local restaurants, in an apparent gay PDA showdown.It seems gay pride activists shouting typical accusations of homophobia (“You’re just chicken!”) is supposed to really show Cathy who rules the roost.  (Note:  Don’t mess with their pecking order.)

Like chickens with their heads cut off, the media is flapping about in an attempt to subdue and bully the only company willing to stick its neck out for faith and family values.  Yes, walking on eggshells is the name of the game these days, what with Oreo creating the ever diverse rainbow cookie, it seems even food should be tolerant and diverse in social issues.

Unfortunately for liberals it looks as though Cathy won’t be chickening out anytime soon, further stating:

We are very much supportive of the family – the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that,”

Rather than taking Cathy’s statement viewed as a personal set of values with overtones of gratitude, leftists are outraged, crying “Fowl!” It is possible that much to the chagrin those who support “diversity and tolerance” (wink) one projection is that sales will shoot through the hen-house with all of the publicity and free marketing.  Funny, Chick-Fil-A has had plenty of chicks to count even without a sunrise on Sundays.

And seriously, who doesn’t want a chicken sandwich, waffle fries and a down-home sweet tea after a good hen-pecking?!

What has flown the coop is any rational idea of freedom of speech and freedom to practice religion of one’s choosing.  It takes a bird brain to go on a vicious and personal counter attack to one merely civilly expressing his freedom of belief.  When it comes to diversity and tolerance, many on the left proudly display the egg on their face.  Give them a solid, Bible believing person of faith, they set up the ring and strut around like a banty rooster, waiting for the cock-fight to ensue.  (Sorry, PETA.)

For now, it seems it’s sunny side up for the “Eat more chicken” folks at Chick-Fil-A.

When it comes to standing up for faith, family, and values, that truly is something to crow about….

Accolades From One Funny Chic….

The Versitile Blogger

One Lovely Blog Award

One of my absolute favorite blogs is Twinisms.  First and foremost, the author and I both have twins.  She has two sets, I have one, so I salute her, knowing the double trouble that one set brings. 

Actually, even more than this fact, she also is fluent in sarcasm. I liked her immediately.

It has taken me a several years to carefully craft my witty chides.  I have fond memories (ok, not really) of my early years, developing the skill, whilst my mother very nearly sent me to boarding school. 

Timing and target audience, took many years to learn. 

The other reason I love this blog is that it is so smart and and reflects brilliant snark about everyday events, which leave you wanting to know more about this military mom’s life.  So, I take great pride in the honor of her nominating Order in the Quart for “Lovely Blog” and “Versatile Blog” Awards. 

I have, truly, finally arrived, it seems. Who needs a Grammy, anyway?

By accepting this highly esteemed and coveted honor, I agreed to: 

1. Choose five (or more) other people who deserve this award and pass it on.

This could be a problem.  I either don’t know five people or they simply don’t claim to know me. Next.

2. Tell 7 facts about myself.

If you’ve read any of this blog, you know I am a passionate person.  So, I suppose that doesn’t count.  Alrighty. 

1. I love the ocean.  (boring, just wait)  I love sharks.  But, I am a bit paranoid about meeting a shark while IN the ocean. (This is also true about lakes and catfish.  But, I don’t like catfish.)

2. I can be spontaneous and adventureous.  I have often considered cage diving with sharks. Yes, I am serious.  (here’s a freebie, sometimes I don’t make sense.  See point 1.)

3.  I love culture.  I love learning about family geneologies and history.  I love knowing the origination of surnames. 

4.  One of the items on my bucket list was to eat a cannoli.  I am proud to say, I achieved that goal two years ago.  (And I lived to tell about it.)

5.  I am a communicator.  If I am frustrated, I try to politely express it.  (I have failed often, but I try.) If I care about someone, I will firmly let them know.  I try to hold to the addage of “not letting a day go by…”  I think I have a literal allergy to being fake.  There are many people who are content to just sweep issues under the rug, so people can get annoyed by my honesty and committment to communication. What can I say though? I like to keep it real.

6. I ran into the ocean in the dead of winter in a foreign country.  (No, I wasn’t a fugitive and no there weren’t any sharks.)

7.  I am hopelessly addicted to Diet Coke fountain drinks from McDonald’s.

3. Let the people know who gave me award.   Check.

4. Thank the person who gave you the award.

Thanks Twinisms!  You rock!!

Categories: Humor Tags: , , , ,

Feelin’ a Little Snarky

After a week that began annoying and ended in physical pain, I have chosen to begin this one a little…hmmm…snarky.  I’m in full jaded wit mode. 

**Sarcasm alert**

So, I guess I’ll just take this time as an outlet for my whiplash wit.  After my little rant, you may wonder if I have schizophrenic tendencies – I’m just gonna flow. (watch out, Eminem….)

I chose to take at least a week of of Facebook.  Several of my fb posse, some of my dearest friends (cyber friends and the real ones, too), went into shock mode.  They may have been tempted to call authorities to check if I:

A. had been held against my will at Area 51

B. was roaming the city, mumbling about Cheerio liferafts,

C. was abducted by aliens (like Randy Quaid) or

D. placed in a rubber room to the tune of Lady Gaga. 

After last week, I think any of these scenarios would be a welcome vacation

Thankfully, I haven’t lost my sense of humor. 

Aren’t you glad?…Don’t answer that.

Though I faced a few personal attacks, my true friends, people I consider my family, immediately lined up  to bless, encourage, and support me.  These last two years, I have had to modify my methods of communication.  You see I am a die hard advocate for communication.  But, I have had some intense times of learning how to effectively communicate.  Yet, in spite of it, there are people who still don’t agree with my passion (in more than one venue, I assure you).  What’s particularly sad, is that those who know me best, know that regardless of how zealous I am, my deepest desire is to convey that I love, in spite of any disagreement.  This is especially true after learning that my brand of wit, even in debate, could sometimes be tinged with a little too much “bite”.  It takes alot to get that “bite” from me, especially in face-to-face conversation, but when writing, I have a tendency to utilize the full arsenal of my gift for edgy wit and arguement.  I am proud to say that I think much harder before introducing “bite” to my “bark.”  These are lessons that have been tremendously beneficial, though heartwrenching. 

I proclaim my right to be a “lump of clay.” 

However, don’ t you hate the few days after a disagreement when you go over and over what you should have said, what you shouldn’t have said, and what you would like to have said, but know that it would be wrong???  I wish I had some precognition to an upcoming discussion.  I could be prepared, rather than, “Beday-beday,bu..bhsjdsllds..”

Think Porky Pig on psychotropic medication.

What frustrates me, though, is when others in conversation, don’t even try to be kind.  Accusatory, vicious, and downright mean, are attitudes that NEVER promote healthy dialogue.  Insinuations, condescention, and inhumility are the icing to the poison laced cake that is disingenuity. 

One of the most ironic aspects of this particular rant is that most of the time, those who are unkind, uncaring, or simply neglectful tend to be my family. 


Does anyone else feel like this?  Am I the only one? 

Yeah, I’ve heard the arguement that this is due to the fact that family “will always be there.”  That these are the people that you are most likely to take for granted that they are “always there”.  How is that a good reason?  When did it become “ok” to be rude, based on the fact that “blood is thicker than water?”

And just because the annoyances from last week continue – I just published this post without realizing it.  Okaaaayyy. Guess I was done. Subconciously, maybe?

Of Garden Gnomes and Compost….

Garden Gnomes

It’s almost June.  And I’m getting ready to start my garden. 

By “getting ready,” I mean that I really like the idea of a garden and I have a complete book that I need to read before I clear the area in the yard, build the platform, get the seeds, dirt, and grow a green thumb. 

Most avid gardeners got ready in early April with their lettuce’s and plans, but not here.  I’d rather, like most things, procrastinate until I get to the point where it’s hotter than hades outside to get the shovel out. 

Getting “ready” to garden, got me thinking about what it takes to grow vitamin rich vegetables and fruits.  I have managed to skim my “Square Foot Gardening” book and looked at the section about making your own compost. 


That seems like a project I could do. 

Just throw your trash in the yard?  Seriously??  I am so there. 

The neighbors a few houses down must be about to grow a friggin’ co-op!! 

With the general cloud that hung over last week in my world, I realized that gardening is so representative of the relationship between us and the Lord.  Literally and metaphorically, speaking. 

God made the seeds.  God made the sun.  God made the water.  But, when we stick the seeds in the soil (provided that we plant in appropriate soil), it all comes together and grows! 

So about that soil…Gnomeo, the square-foot, garden guy (not really, I don’t remember his name.  I can barely remember to take my psychotropic medicine.) recommends that you select only the best soils. 

Translation: Don’t use the suburban crap loaded with chunks of cement that the housing developers sell you, mislabeling it, a “lawn.”

  He suggests using a trio combination, I only remember one: vermiculite. 

(I only remember because its fun to say, “vermiculite.” Seriously, try it, “verMIculite.”).  So you take the verMIculite, soil 2, and soil3 and


Insta’ cozy bed for the precious, widdle, veggie-weggies. 

This wasn’t the part that fascinated me. 

That may be the reason I haven’t done it, yet.  I’m sort of like a two-year old, in terms of attention span, you know….wait…what???

Oh, right…

So, what was sort of interesting to me was the fact that you can take your compostable garbage (I’m guessing styrofoam, 6-pack plastic rings, and diapers aren’t the target.) like leftover corn stalks, I don’t know pork-rinds, and uneaten beanie weenies.  Plus, any unused horse manure you have lying around . 

What other uses are there for horse manure???

Does dog dirt count? I’ve got a yard, chocked full of unused dog droppings.  It’s about time the resident mutt make a useable contribution around here….

(See, 2-year old attention span…sorry)

Yeah, this post is getting a little messy, time to interject the point!

The Bible even talks about gardening.  Jesus told gave this parable:

“A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9 Whoever has ears, let them hear.”  (Matt. 13:3-9)

Soil is important!  Even Jesus talked about it!  He explained the reason for his metaphor, saying,

18 “Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19 When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20 The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 22 The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. 23 But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”

Soil is vital to the health of the crop.  Without good soil, any seed scattered will not take root and flourish. 

The foundation for a garden is a prelude to the outcome of the crop. 

Back to the compost – (see?)

I got to thinking. 

What is compost? 

Waste.  The leftover junk that smells, may be moldy, and really is unusable for any other reason. 

(Well, except the horse manure…)

In life, we can take our junk to God’s garden.  We can unload our leftovers: our personality quirks, our pasts, our addictions, our smelly, moldy stuff. We allow it to hit the rich soil of God’s grace and watch him water and grow vitamin-rich, nourishment in our lives.  But this requires effort on our part!  We must be sure we are planting in the rich soil that is a balance of biblical truth, the love and forgiveness of Christ, and the infiltration of the Holy Spirit’s leading. 

The Soil, the Son, and Living Water.


Once we have seed within a good soil, compost it, water it and allow the Son to take over, we have to be vigilant.  We weed, pulling out any thing that enters the garden that doesn’t benefit the garden:

Again, weeds.

Pesty insects.

Pesty animals. (rabbits, squirrels, birds, dumb mutts….)

We have to take precautions, knowing that these things are bound to threaten the thrival (is that a word?) of the garden.  We watch the garden.  Prune out the threats.  Set boundaries and barriers to inhibit the pests from threatening the crop.  Cultivate the soil, continuing to take advantage of the richness in the foundation (the Word of God, accountability from mature brothers and sisters in Christ, prayer). 

Such careful work will yield a successful crop. 

One more time….


SPF vs. Good Ol’ Fashioned Clothes

Meghan McCain featuring duct tape

The other night I happened to turn to Hannity. He featured a five-minute debate regarding modesty in dress. The segment stemmed from the recent so-called, “Slut walks.” The protests, by mainly liberal women, are in response to comments by a Toronto police officer, who said women could avoid being raped by not dressing like sluts. The segment featured Rebecca St. James, Christian recording artist and purity advocate and left-wing liberal Tamera Holder. Here’s the clip:

I watched it once and couldn’t watch it again, due to fears of hypertension, cardiac failure, and all around self-combustion. The highlight of the entire “civil” debate is when Ms. Holder proceeded to tell Ms. St. James that she was “seriously disturbed.”

Yes, any woman who believes that dressing sexually provocative leads to sexual objectification is, clearly, off her rocker.

Most ALL of us can agree that rape under ANY circumstance is WRONG. That’s not the debated issue here. The infiltration of “Skin is in,” however, is. Television, billboard advertisements, magazines, music, and water cooler conversations (maybe the water, itself?) are all tainted and downright plastered with sexual image, innuendos, and suggestive lyrics. But, I’ve noticed in the last few years that even a “charitable” cause is now on the “ooh la la” list. (I thought having a “cause” was supposed to be revolutionary and about the need, itself?)

Oops. I did it again. I underestimated the use of sex to sell ANYTHING.

In an effort to promote awareness to younger generations and men (??), campaigns for Breast Cancer Awareness even revved up the sexuality a couple notches. (I really should’ve seen that one coming, I suppose) Now my kids get to see fun car magnets, like “Feel your boobies” and “Save the ta-tas.” That’s a great conversation for tiny tots, right? And I just love seeing adolescent boys wearing bracelets that say, “I love boobies.” Classy. That will really bring out the responsibility and awareness….

For the last several years, PETA (People for Ethical Treatment of Animals) has even jumped on the sex wagon. (Its supposed to be about ANIMALS for crying out loud!!) Ads promoting fur boycotts by featuring a Hollywood starlet in nothing, but, well, nothing have taken off (pun intended), “I’d rather go naked, than wear fur…” being the caption.  (Well, good for you!  You know here in the 21st century, there are alternatives to fur?!  I’d go with cotton, personally.)

Why does everyone think that promoting awareness involves the loss of the clothes? Peep shows for pets??? REALLY?

Do they think the people who are hooked by this marketing style really give a care about the actual cause?? Riiiighht…

The last straw for the diatribe rehashed by yours truly, came this morning with the new advertisement featuring the likes of Meghan McCain, Brandi, and some other B and C-list celebrities stripping down to promote skin cancer awareness. COME ON!!!! Are you kidding me???!! Seeing their naked derrières is not going to prompt me to put SPF on anything!

Here’s an idea! Why don’t you put some clothes ON and then your butt won’t get burnt!!!

Flashback: “Hitch it up, honey!”

Fred Flintstone is on to Something…

Going Green with Fred Flintstone

I am a visual thinker.  Given the chance at a free association test, I’m your girl.  My mind makes all kinds of scenic pictures when given an anecdote or cheeky story.  Today, while listening to the mish-mash about off-shore drilling (you know, where we actually use our own oil rather than buying oil from nations who hate us.) I couldn’t help it.  Fred Flintstone™ suddenly popped into my complex and intellectual mind.  I know, I know, most of you probably think of random cartoon characters when contemplating this administration too.  But, I just try to envision what far left liberals think we are going to do when gas hits $5.00 plus/gallon at the pump. 

 And there he was: Fred. 

Remember his preferred method of transport?  That’s right, stinky, calloused feet.  A rousing, “YabadabaDOOO!” and away the Flintstone™ family flew.  Maybe Fred was onto something.  Was he “going green” or just going?

Most of us thought by now, we would have seen the suitcase, flying cars George Jetson™ caroused around in.  Nope.  How about the contraption built by the professor in Back to the Future?  Uh-uh.  We still have regular ol’ Fords®, GM®’s (Now Government Mangagement), and foreign jobbies to get us from A to B.  Rather than utilizing the oil that our own country produces, the far left is content to allow price gouging.  While jobs are scarce, unemployment is staggering, and the housing market is on a swift decline, liberals are content to use the environment as an excuse not to allow drilling on American soil.  Per barrel, oil is creeping ever closer to $100.  Our nation teeters upon a tightrope of balancing debt, unemployment, and foreclosure rates that could topple us faster than a deck of cards in a tornado. 

The fact is that we have enough oil here that could generate jobs, fuel production, lowering cost/barrel, and increased competition with international oil companies (many of whom, again, hate us).  However, once again, “team green” dominates the field, proclaiming the environment (all the little fishies, birdies, and posies) to be more vital than the American family.  Listen, there are plenty of checks and balances to put in place that would ensure the survival and protection of our planet (as much as us realists believe are possible, anyway).  And I know some of you environmentalists would love to throw out the British Petroleum® incident this past summer.  However, as usual, this was due to mismanagement, over-the-top, bureaucratic bologna that always dominates with big government.  And the British, for crying out loud… (Hey,easy. All in jest).

We all know that without the nod of Al Gore’s pretty little head, we will all die in a blaze of CFC toxins. 

I get that.

Despite overwhelming evidence that global warming is not the definitive monster that will take over our atmosphere and kill the polar bears (not to mention the poor Abominable Snowman), liberals maintain their white-knuckled, death grip on controlling everything that will influence the environment.  (And that includes sugar, Happy Meals™, and obesity. Sorry Ronald McDonald™.) 

So, once again, a clear cut, simple answer that meets a variety of national crises which will be dismissed in the name of Planet Green eggs and ham.



Flippin’ Doo.

Commercial Garbage

Kathy Griffin - Spokesperson for Arby's®

Usually,  not a week goes by while watching the television, when I don’t have to lift my chin off of the floor. It seems more frequent that I am left dumbfounded after watching commercials. I’m sure I am not the only one. Recently, my puzzled mentality comes from celebrity endorsements. I’m no marketing expert, but I can’t seem to figure out why companies feel the need to slap someone’s name, face, or likeness on products. Look at the perfume business. Why on earth am I going to purchase perfume, supposedly, created by Britney Spears? (though the label “eau de toilette”, makes a little more sense now) Cereal, fast food, soap, hair products, beverages, makeup, and clothing all use the “celebrity appeal” in hopes of raking in higher profits.

Do I really want to smell like Fergie?

Do I really want to look like Rihanna?

If I eat Wheaties®, can even I, throw a football like Peyton Manning???

The advertising world takes a huge risk when attaching the fickleness of Hollywood to products. One of my favorite uses of irony is the commercial with M.C. Hammer. The initial screenshot depicts his fame with the 1990’s hit, “Can’t Touch This,” and then the next clip shows a dejected Mr. Hammer on the curb with a bankruptcy sign being placed on his mansion. That is creativity folks. Although I am at a loss as to what that commercial was for…hmmm…

I couldn’t believe it when Pepsi® released a promo featuring rapper/thug chieftain, Snoop Dogg. It took a full five minutes for me to recover post-ad. Is Pepsi® really so hard up that they need a little “shizzle-my-nizzle” to sell their product???

Who doesn’t get thirsty after a drive-by and a couple of capps skizzin’ by your dome?!

Though, Pepsi®’s choice is baffling, but what is downright horrendous is the recent placement of Kathy Griffin as the spokesman for Arby’s®. Among her many “talents,” she specializes in prejudiced rants mainly aimed at conservatives and in particular, Christians. The highlight of her vile career came during the 2007 Emmy Awards when she had this to say upon acceptance of her award for Outstanding Reality Program,

“ Now, a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn’t help me a bit. If it was up to him, Cesar Millan would be up here with that da#n dog. So all I can say is su*k it, Jesus, this award is my god now! ”


According to Griffin she meant this remark not as a slight on Jesus, but rather as a satire of celebrities who thank Jesus profusely and nonsensically for their awards, especially artists who themselves are controversial.

 Yes, I feel so much better now that she cleared that all up.

Among others, these are the highlighted titles of her stand-up routines:

  • Kathy Griffin: Everybody Can Suck It (2007) 
  •  Kathy Griffin: Straight To Hell (2007) 
  •  Kathy Griffin: She’ll Cut A Bi$ch (2009)
  •  Kathy Griffin: Balls Of Steel (2009)
  •  Kathy Griffin Does the Bible Belt (2010) 
  •  Kathy Griffin: Whores on Crutches (2010)

Clearly, Ms. Griffin is a woman of class, whose reputation precedes her. The world is obviously a better place due to Kathy’s light witticism (dry sarcasm intended).

So, imagine our shock when we saw her face plastered all over the Arby’s® advertisements. This is who they have chosen to represent and sell their product? When my husband and I recovered, a full five days later, we sent an email to Arby’s® questioning their decision to have the oh so delightful, Kathy Griffin as their spokesman.

This was their response,

Thank you for contacting us regarding our television ads. As you saw in the commercial, we are conducting a menu makeover featuring a simplified menu with more of your Arby’s favorites at affordable prices, including 30 menu items under $3, plus several new premium sandwiches with bold flavors. The ads feature Kathy Griffin, an Emmy award-winning actress and comedian, who has widely publicized her own, real-life makeover. We appreciated her honest approach to the makeover topic and decided she would be a great fit for these ads, which are intended to be light-hearted and humorous. We appreciate your feedback and hope you will enjoy Arby’s new and improved menu! (emphasis added)

Sincerely, Arby’s Customer Relations

Really? So a “real-life” makeover now consists of thousands of dollars in plastic surgery, slandering religion, and the prevalent use of four and five letter words anytime one feels it appropriate. Light-hearted, indeed.

I’m pretty sure “The Arby’s® Customer Relations” team  meant to add, “So su*k it.”

Gone are the days when only the most graceful, reputable people were used in bolstering product sales. Remember when Olympians were featured? Don’t get me wrong, I really don’t think that anyone should be featured and placed upon a pedestal for profitable gain. (Do you really think Snoop Dogg only drinks Pepsi?)

The desperation of mankind to be someone else, someone rich and famous is palpable. I guess the reality is that putting a recognized face (even one wildly reconstructed and spewing hate-filled rhetoric) creates higher revenue. We all make mistakes, but why on earth would one feel better about being modeling themselves after people who make a career of being heinous?

Undoubtedly, there will be some naysayers commenting who think that I shouldn’t take it so seriously. But, consider: The people who are featured on television are the people who represent our country. Do you want Kathy Griffin as the spokesperson representing, not only mediocre sandwiches, but America? These commercials are not only viewed in our own country. There are target audiences, obviously, but celebrities receive not only monetary compensation, but increased notoriety for their participation in advertising. (The latter being just as important for their careers.) Unfortunately, when foreigners see Kathy Griffin, they think of Americans.  Wonderful.

I don’t know about you, but curly fries aren’t so appealing anymore…

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