Home > religion > Getting Punched in the Gut

Getting Punched in the Gut

“What?! I….what? I’m sorry, I….don’t even…I…can’t….”

Those words pretty much summed up my reaction. What do you say? How can you even respond when you thought that you knew someone. Oh, you knew they were going through a “rough patch,” but…this? What…do…you say…when you find out that your friend was living a “double life?” What do you say when you realize that….they, for whatever reason, didn’t feel they could come to you?
You wonder,
“Didn’t they trust me?”
“Why did they let it get this far?”
“Why didn’t I see it?”
“I should have done more…but, how could I have known?”
You go from shock, to anger, to sadness, back to shock. Around and around the merry-go-round in a park with no amusement. Guilt, rage, tears….
You know what I’m talking about, right? I would seriously doubt that anyone reading this has never had someone they loved or knew or thought you knew, who you just couldn’t even imagine what was going on behind closed doors.

Yet, I know about Grace.

I know because I accepted grace. Its the only salve for our deepest wounds. Its the warmth that we feel in the coldest, darkest, pits of life. It releases us from the shackles of addiction, abuse, sin. Most of us though, walk around content in our jaded reality. Life throws punches and we are content to walk around with black eyes. Some of us try to use make up to somehow cover up the the wounds, but its still there…Some of us still, wear it like a badge that gives us, the right. We can wear a chip on our shoulder, because we didn’t put the chip there. But we’ll leave it for all to see, just…in…case.
“They don’t know what I’ve been through.”
“Don’t get too close, I’ve been hurt…see?”

For me, I see this situation through a variety of lenses. I can put on my “therapist” glasses and see the addiction as a subconscious drive. I can put on my “Jesus” glasses and choose to look at them with compassion and love. I can put on my “introspective” glasses, the ones that help me to remember, I have had hurts, I have sinned, but I am free, glory to God alone. I can put on my “righteous anger” glasses, the ones that allow me to be hurt, angry at the consequences of the hidden, secret decisions that have been made, but still love them just the same.

Then there are the “judgement” glasses…When people look at the church, they think we all have our “judgement” glasses on….a lot of us do…judgement glasses don’t account for anything else, but the crime. They allow the wearer to be solely focused on the what was done. Love is blinded, forgiveness is blinded, our own journey from sin to grace, also sadly blinded.
Wearing the judgement glasses is like wearing sunglasses at night. We don’t need ’em, If we have accepted God’s grace, we’ve been brought into the light.

To see this situation clearly, completely, I believe I need all the lenses, barring the “judgement ones.” So really I don’t have an answer to my original question. I am simply praying, asking God to fit me with lenses that allow me to see clearly, I won’t fully understand, but I need Divine glasses for my imperfect human eyes. Lenses to help me focus where I should. That is my prayer today.

Jennifer

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  1. The Circuit Rider
    June 21, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    Like your blog,great to connect with other pro-life advocates out there…put yours in my fave blog's links section…keith 1 Cor 13
    http://wesleysocialgospel.blogspot.com
    http://twitter.com/Thecircuitrider

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